3 Strikes

Well, here I go again. You know, its just not funny anymore. Before I could actually muster a little laugh and say, “Boy are you horrible.” Now I think I’m beyond that. I cant even bring myself to laugh. Usually I’m faced with the situation to either laugh or cry; this time I choose to cry.

The voice of God (His Holy Spirit) is so clear to me at times, yet in those times, if my needs are not being met, I don’t want to hear His voice. Earlier tonight I was driving to pick up a friend and I was just blasting music with all the windows down, like I usually do when I want to feel the music and the air. These times I now know can be dangerous, as it is a prime opportunity for my carnal mind to take advantage of me.

There was the first tug at the stop light. This guy in a big truck in the other lane asked me if he could come across when the light turned green and of course I signaled for him to go ahead. Well, because I was just vibin’ with the music and being seen, I totally forgot about that guy when the light turned green. I didn’t let him go ahead of me because I forgot about him. I saw his turning signal light to come over, and it didn’t hit me until I was already blocking him, what I had done. Of course the car behind was right up on me so the guy couldn’t get in, and he was going to miss his turn, but someone let him in I imagine, because I looked in the rear view mirror and saw him get over to the turning lane.

Then there was the second tug. This one lasted a bit longer. I was driving around lost! I knew where I was going, but it was as if I just couldnt focus long enough to chart the course in my mind. Though I was in an unfamiliar area, I just drove to familiar named streets and headed in what I thought was the right direction, but of course I was lost because I too busy talkin and vibin’ to this music. It might sound silly, but you have to understand that when the carnal mind is in control, it cares about one thing, glorifying the flesh. As long as that music was blasting, I was just vibin’ and talkin with my friend in the car. Then we pulled up to another stop light and we came to a street where we already were on, but instead, I turned off of that street miles back, only to make a half circle and much wasted time, and arrive back at the same street where I could have just stayed and gotten to the present intersection much, much sooner. I knew God was telling me to focus. Not this time God. Time was of the essence because we were on our way to a youth group meeting at church, and we were already late. I kept joking with my friend that the devil didn’t want us to be there. Sure, that was obvious, but that’s constant in any and everything we do to edify the spirit. There was something more. Something I was doing that was causing this. I was in the flesh tonight; it's just that simple.

Then there was the third tug. Boy, this one really sent the message home. After church my friend and I were walking out and we began chatting about a particular girl. Well we walked to my car, and the girl and her friends were about 20 feet behind us. Anyhow, we all got in our cars, and I reversed out of my spot, to pull next to her car before she could pull out. I don’t know who I thought I was, but whoever it was, became real embarrassed when she just reversed out of her spot, not even cracking her black tinted window. I even honked my horn. Not sure what was going on in her car, but it wasn’t like her to not stop and roll down the window. For a while I thought maybe she heard me talk to my friend about her so that’s why she didn’t stop or roll down her window. Either way, I was pretty embarrassed.

So, what did I learn tonight? Well, after I dropped my friend home, the first thing I did was shut off that stupid music, so I could hear myself think. I used the drive home to think and talk to God about tonight. It wasn’t one of those nights where I was excited to talk to God, but I was rather anxious to talk and hear from Him, even a rebuke. But something strange happened. All I ended up saying was thank you. I was just deeply moved to thank Him for afflicting my flesh. For causing it pain. For not letting it get away for not heeding His voice 3 times! I actually became glad that I didn’t get away tonight. Sure it hurt, it hurt like hell, but when I weighed it out, it was far better to afflict the flesh and preserve the soul than it would be to under false pretense council myself into not feeling pain for what I did. I know I’m forgiven, because my sin was nailed to the cross, like the song said on the radio tonight, so timely, but knowing Im forgiven doesn’t excuse what He forgave me for. I cant usurp God’s judgment. All I can pray for is mercy. Not a get out of jail free card, but rather the strength to go on in spite of what happened, knowing I am forgiven, and the slate is wiped clean.