The Standard

Here I am again. In a pretty familiar spot. Why do I do the things I do? Why do I say the things I say? Do I really think that I can get away with these things? There is a lot going on right now, I don’t know where to start. It’s amazing how things go so well, for so long, then there are those times when you have a few trials here and there, then, there are times like these, where it seems as though nothing is going right, and everything is happening to your demise. I guess it doesn’t help reading the early chapters in the book of Job to find comfort, or maybe just the opposite is true. Maybe the afflictions of one whom God considered blameless and upright is just what I need to read about. Blameless and upright, yet suffered more affliction and chaos in his life than I care to mention.

I’m not crying that the world is out to get me, I’m not crying that God is punishing me for something, I’m crying that God has lost His mind in loving me in spite of my behavior.

It upsets me. Why? I don’t think I know. I don’t think I will ever know, but what I do know is that I am called to love in this same way! How can I love others like this, if I’m too upset that God loves me like this!? I sometimes think to myself, “God, why don’t You just let something bad happen to me. I deserve it! It would make me feel so much better to know that I was paid for me bad deeds.” Now, don’t get me wrong, I can never thank God enough for His grace and mercy on my life, but I am so used to sinful human nature that says an eye for an eye, that it throws me when Jesus says, “Come home to the feast I have prepared in your honor” instead of “Come here let me give you a taste of the pain you made me feel. “

This is where I am right now. I don’t think that I let my light shine as it should, and I know that I have compromised my faith in more than a few instances. I don’t know how I intend to live as Jesus lived, when I still get afraid to stand up for what I believe and know is right. I once heard a saying:

“When you compromise your beliefs, you compromise who you are, then you lose yourself.” I am only concerned about losing myself to Jesus, because in this I find gain, but if I continue to compromise my beliefs, I am afraid of where I could end up.

The Holy Spirit revealed to me a pattern in the first few chapters of the book of Daniel. “Your gift is the key to your reward, but even just knowing your gift puts you in satan’s crossfire.” Daniel was considered wise and had knowledge, and was given the gift of interpreting dreams and visions, but when the magicians couldn’t tell king Nebuchadnezzar his dream and interpret it, the king sent out an order to have all the wise men killed, which included Daniel.

Daniel could have died because of his gift.

Many wise men died, but Daniel and many others didn’t die, but only after he interpreted the king’s dream-putting his gift into action. I am now convinced that with great knowledge comes great power, but also an even greater responsibility. I have to be aware. I have to protect God’s gift of salvation to me, but more importantly, like Daniel, I have to be ready to use my gift (of salvation) not only to preserve my faith, but the faith of my brothers and sisters, as the world, no matter how unfair it seems, tend to judge all based on the actions of one.

I have a Standard to hold up. Merely having it will make my place in this world seem like an inconvenience. More times than not I may suffer loneliness, face betrayal, and question my own reason for being. Sounds unpopular, but Jesus counted this very cost, and nonetheless became the Standard-for me and you. How can I not do the same?