ZeroFiveOneNineZeroFive (Part 2 of 3)

Date of original writing: May 19, 2005

My life hasn’t been the same ever since. I spend more time with Him. I talk with Him more, I study the Bible more than just reading it. (Though I need to do it more and more.) I have noticed a peace and a calm in my life. Though Satan tries to upset me and cause a few waves in the ocean, I know that God Himself allows Satan to do what he does, and that God will not allow more on me than I can bear. And when the going gets tough, He makes a promise to us and says “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, for it is easy, and my burden is light.”

A promise from man may be comfort for a fool, but a promise from God is a comfort to the soul. Now, bear with me, I am human and I still fight the flesh daily. I messed up even after we broke up in a few situations. I hurt my friends and God. I was so sorry for what I had done, that I can’t even explain my remorse with words. But I know that what I sow, I will reap. God is a God of love, but He is also a God of wrath, and He disciplines those He loves. There is hope though, because God says that ‘His grace is sufficient for me.’ When I do wrong, He brings me back to the fold, and helps me dust myself off and says to me that He loves me no matter what. I have to earnestly seek forgiveness though, and ask God to show me where I went wrong, so that I do not make the same mistake twice.

I can honestly say, being on my own has helped me more than it has hurt me. What’s most important is my walk with God. Everything else is secondary-even my career. I chose to follow God and commit my life totally to Him. It was prophesied to me that I would have a full time job here and a scholarship to attend college. As I sit here today, in cubicle 801.C4, I tell you, that God’s promise is going to come to pass. I have trusted God for these promises, and others alike. God has given me what He has promised me previously, and I know He will do it again. God has given me dreams about obtaining my full time status, so I know that it will come to pass, even if today marks 2 days before doomsday. I cannot tell you how it will happen, because truthfully, I don’t know how God will work it out. What’s important, is that I know He will.

I remember a stranger, was telling me her ‘2 minute testimony’ as she called it. What stuck out in my memory, was when she said, “God has said to turn your fears into faith.” That is a very powerful statement. Simply stated, but profound in meaning. It means that anything I fear, like not being able to work, or not being able to pay my bills as a result of unemployment, or not being able to pay for college or anything that a normal human being would fear, God says to give that burden to him, and trust in Him. To have faith that He will not only deliver me out of the situation, but that He would deliver me and give me a testimony to share with others. For what good is it to experience the love of God and not share it with others? To encourage, to motivate, to comfort?

I have had confirmation time and time again that I would obtain a full time job. I understand that God’s timing isn’t my timing. He is never too early, never too late, simply always on time, in His time. The next 2 days can either make or break a person. No matter the end result, it will no doubt make me trust God more. Either way, I am trusting and thanking God for my full time job, because I already have it, and it will be brought forth in His time. My only prayer is that He keeps me in His will, that He stays near to me, and continues to be the light unto my path. That I, like David, will be considered a man after God’s own heart. Which, I know, He will do and allow me to be. Jesus is in me, and I am in Him, therefore how can I go wrong? I will remember Ginny Owens in her song when she says:

“So when the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love (for me) put You through And I will go through the valleyIf You want me to.”

When everyone seems to be against me, and I don’t seem to have a friend to talk to, even when I can’t seem to hear God answer me when I cry out to Him for help, I will remember all the suffering and torment and ridicule and beatings, and terrible treatment that His love for me caused Him to go through. All because He wanted to make it possible for me to see the kingdom of God and He wanted me to abide in Him (Christ), and He wanted to make it so that anytime I needed Him, I could call on Him and He would be there for me. I surely remember this, and I will continue to trust in Him and walk where He wants me to walk, even if it appears to be through a desolate land, or a fierce looking situation, or a dangerous situation, or a situation that appears to the world as having no hope. I will go if He tells me to, and if He wants me to.