ZeroFiveOneNineZeroFive (Part 1 of 3)

Date of original writing: May 19, 2005

Doomsday as far as my OPT Work Permit was concerned. From the issuance of my work permit, in the back of my mind, I guess I always dreaded Zero Five One Nine Zero Five. Well who wouldn’t. All my hopes and dreams appeared to be wrapped up in my ability to work here in the United States, doing what I went to college for. Though the clock was ticking, I knew God had a plan.

From 09/2004, (the issuance date) until today, 2 days before Zero Five One Nine Zero Five, I worked here at Palm Beach County Government Center, Information Systems Services as an Intern Web Designer. I love my job. From time to time I may not necessarily like all the tasks I must complete, but nonetheless, I have a passion for what I do.

About 2 months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up after being together about 3 years. That in itself was a rollercoaster ride. The break up process wasn’t much different either. Some days I felt good about myself and my decision, other days, it was as dismal as storm clouds choking the very sun in the sky. I thought it would be easy to just separate, and ‘get on with my life’, as I did in the past, but this time… this time it was very different. Not only did I find myself thinking about her, I started questioning my decision of separation.

Though all this was going on, my walk with God was slowly becoming more intimate than ever before. You see, it was because of God and our fellowship, and Him directing my path, and speaking to me through the Bible and people around me, that I was able to overcome the plights of satan and become victorious in my dilemmas. Though, at the time of this writing, my ex is not totally erased from my mind, I feel a sense of peace and serenity knowing that God has heard my cries, and He is concerned about my concerns. He feels for me, when I feel sad. As it appears to my ex, she feels that I broke her heart. It makes me feel sad knowing that I did this to her, and I am considerate of her feelings, really more so than mine. I think God has more or less shown me how He feels when I ‘break His heart’ by acting out of His will and doing my own thing. It’s really not a good feeling that I was experiencing lately, and I think God feels the same way when I do wrong.

You may ask what that story has to do with Zero Five One Nine Zero Five. Really, it has more to do with my life up until that date. See, when we broke up, my life took a shift. While I was in the relationship with her, God was not being glorified as He should have been. Even though I said He was #1, He really wasn’t. All my own hopes and dreams and aspirations were in first place. Over and over I felt a check in my spirit that I needed to not only spend more time with God, but I needed to fully commit myself to Him and His will and walk with Him.

As it stood, it was next to impossible to do this in my current relationship. “Why?” you ask. Well, because sin found its way in to my life very easily. I could stop it sometimes, but not all the time. And it was the times that I couldn’t stop it, that were pulling me away from God. There were many complications in doing God’s will and satisfying a girlfriend who doesn’t see God the way I do. Sometimes, progress starts with quitting. Quitting anything that deters me from the will of God. Yes, I love her, but I had to make a very conscious decision about what I was going to do with my life. Was I going to leave it all behind and follow God? Or was I going to continue in my current state and continue to pretend that God was #1 in my life? I guess the fact that I’m calling her my ex, points out the decision I made.