Pressures of Life (Part 1 of 3)

Date of original writing: Monday April 25th, 2005

From early this morning, something was present. It was a familiar feeling. Something that cloaked me, surrounded me, and engulfed me, like chaos all around. My mind was troubled. The mind is the battlefield. It is where the greatest battles are fought, and the lives of many are changed. Of course, this is the great battle between good and evil, but then, there is that oh so classic bout between what’s good, and what’s better; better for your spiritual life, better for your soul, better to help others instead of putting yourself first.

I find myself dwelling on things that I need not dwell on. No matter what it is, God says to ‘Keep our eyes on Him’, not some of the time, but ALL of the time. Yes, that may seem impossible with the many pressures of life, but I tell you the truth, God’s Word says to seek Him first and His kingdom and His righteousness, and all other things will be added to us. That means that if we keep our eyes focused on Him all the time, He will work out everything else in our lives. He will give us our hearts desire.

Right now I feel somewhat overwhelmed. I feel like there is a lot on my plate right now, and every time I take a bite of something on the plate, it is replaced by something else to eat! Sometimes I feel as though I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Not as if I am trying to solve the world’s problems, but more that my purpose in life has to do with impacting the world. Finding, pursuing, and fulfilling my purpose and vision in life sometimes seems like a burden.

Right now as I write, I feel as though parts of my “perfectly imperfect” world is crumbling. Finding myself somewhat worrying about paying for school, continuing to work and pay bills, acquiring a house instead of paying for rent, relationship issues…my health and well being, being separated from the crowd, not partaking in the things of the world, that seem so fun, so right, so 21… I feel a burden in separating myself. But I know within myself, that I am separated for a reason, far beyond any proposed cosmic combustion in space, far beyond anyone dictating to me that I should take the safe route and remain mediocre, and far beyond Satan himself trying to deceive me. I will overcome. I will be successful in my endeavors. I HAVE discovered my purpose in life. I HAVE discovered my vision in life. I believe in God to direct my steps. I Love God. I will keep my eyes focused on Him and not the circumstances that surround me. I will not judge God by those circumstances either.

I will pray and talk to God, as if He is right here in the same room as I am. Whether I think I feel His presence or not, I KNOW HE IS THERE. He has always been there, and He always will be there. Before my mother’s birth, and even beyond her mother’s birth, God had a plan for my life. The choice is whether or not I accept His call for my life.