I Have Found the Key

Something very interesting happened earlier tonight. Actually, things like this have been happening all my life, just that I now realize the lesson.

I was looking for an old cell phone I had because I needed a phone number for a friend that apparently wasn’t in my new cell phone. I looked on my desk, in my desk, under my desk, in my bag that I take to work, the bag that I take to school, and I even went downstairs to look around in my car. As you can tell, I was rather determined to find that cell phone because it contained something of importance to me.

In any event, while I was looking around in my car, I looked in the compartment underneath the arm rest in between the two front seats, and moved some junk around only to see something I never saw there before. When I picked it up and took a look at it, it was the infrared remote/key for my car!

Now, you have to understand, some time ago I was planning on calling the car dealer to purchase the device, because I didn’t think I had it. I was using a spare master key all along. However, after a while, I didn’t concern myself any longer with buying the key and now, while looking for something else, I find the key in my car.

The Bible says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord directs his steps.” My plan was to find that cell phone, but my steps were directed right to that key. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all [the things you desire] will be given to you as well.” I couldn’t help but think about the Kingdom of God taking the place of that cell phone that I was looking for; to be so determined to find it. If we continue to spend our time looking for this Kingdom of God, what else that we desire in our hearts will God give to us?

We Sure Do Suffer for Lack of Knowledge

The other day I sent my boss an email asking to take a late lunch at the end of the day so that I could leave work earlier than usual.

Now, the intent of the ‘late lunch’ was to use that time to get a head start on beating the traffic in going to my meeting. However, my meeting was canceled and notification was sent via email, but, you guessed it, I didn’t read my email before I left. So, I caught up with my boss nearing the end of the day and asked him if he got my email about my late lunch. Of course, him being distraught about other issues at the moment responded quite brashly and walked away without giving me a clear answer.

Of course I was rather confused as to what just happened, but I realized he was probably under a lot of pressure already and I just tightened the pressure valve.

The bottom line was that we ended up going back and forth each of us defending our cause. He never read my email so he thought I was asking for time off when I spoke to him in person toward the end of the day, when in actuality I had sent him notification early in the day, not for time off, but simply to shift my allotted lunch time around.

Anyway, he approved me to leave and when I got home later that night I sent him an apology email because even thought I may have been right in following the procedure for my request, I was wrong in the way I handled the situation. I was in no way supposed to be arguing back and forth with my boss. Hebrews 13:17 says:

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.

It is not my job to convict and bring correction to anyone, much less those in authority-that is the work of the Holy Spirit. Of course, this is not to say that I should never be bold, because there is a time for everything and we have to use our boldness under the wisdom of God.

So, (and this is really the point) besides honing my abilities to write an apology note, the real issue here was that I could have avoided the whole situation if I had just read my email, like I usually do. I suffered due to a lack of ‘knowing’ or knowledge that my meeting had been cancelled.

The same truth applies to us and the Bible. How many times do we have to suffer through a problem before we realize that we are simply lacking the right information to make the right choice? Hosea 4:6 says:

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being priests for Me; Because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children..”

A lot of our problems or rather the poor way we deal with our problems stem from our lack of knowledge in the Scripture. Just like me, I didn’t have enough knowledge to avoid the problem altogether. And, with the partial knowledge I had, only managed to engage in a run on conversation that really ended where we began.

All in all, I thank God for showing this to me. I knew the confrontation at work had to be for a reason.

The Will of God (Part 2 of 2)

Date of original writing: Wednesday July 13, 2005

See, we all are willing to sacrifice to God all the things that are somewhat meaningful to us. But in everyone’s life, there is something that we try to hold on so dearly to. Something that we don’t want to live without. Something we think will leave us in a state of loneliness, someone who’s definitely a “keeper” or a “good catch”. How many of us have thought that God shouldn’t ask us to give up certain things? After all, he allowed us to have what we have right now anyway right? Abraham and his son Isaac for instance. God promised Abraham a son even in his old age. After trusting God for many years, God gives him a son, Isaac. Soon after, God tells Abraham to give up his only son, and sacrifice him. Abraham starts the process, and right before Abraham goes to finish the sacrifice, the angel of the Lord says to Abraham, “Stop! You have proven yourself worthy, and it was credited to Abraham as righteousness.”

See, God wants to know what we are willing to give up for Him. It doesn’t matter whether or not God stops us in the act or not like He did Abraham, the fact is, if we are willing to give it all up and follow Jesus, His Word says that He will give us our heart’s desire. Just yesterday, in fact. I was driving back to West Palm Beach, after dropping my mother off at the airport in Ft. Lauderdale, and a song that plays “Our God is an awesome God He reigns, from Heaven above with wisdom, power and love, our God is an awesome God.” I began singing out to the Lord and while that song was playing, God spoke to me and said. “Quincy, if you give it all up and follow my will for your life, I will make you a great leader, and I will give you your heart’s desire.” I accepted His word, and said “Lord, I have tried to do it before and wasn’t very successful. On my own strength, I can’t, but God, give me Your strength, give me Your will power, and I will follow you.”

Since then, Satan has tried to bombard my mind with the past, and how I failed before, and tried showing me old memories that my flesh enjoyed and tried to make me feel like I can’t live without those feelings. Satan roams the earth looking for those he can kill, steal from and destroy. Yesterday, I had to remind satan that his yoke on my life had been broken already, and I refuse to re-think and re-live the past because it’s definitely not where my future is going. I rebuked Satan in the Name of Jesus, and told him he has already lost the battle for my life, and that he will no longer win.

Are you ready to sacrifice it all for God? Are you ready to live the life God wants for you? When we sing the song “More love, more power, more of you in my life”, so many times, we don’t realize what that song means. In actuality, what we are saying to God is “God fill my cup. Fill my life with You.” But if you think about filling a cup that already had something in it previously, when we continue to fill the glass with it overflowing with the new substance, the old substance becomes less and less. So when we sing more love more power, we are saying less of me, less of what I want, less of my fleshly desires.

I thank God for being evident in my life. I truly don’t know what I’d do with out Him. I have decided to get out of the dimension of diversion, and jump into the dimension of dependency-dependency on God alone. Not my mother or father, my friends or my job. Totally dependent on God. It’s a constant renewal process. Daily in fact. Everyday I ask God to refresh me, to make me to depend on Him more. Philippians 2:5 says, “Let this mind be in you, that was also in Christ Jesus.” I want the mind of Christ. Another portion of scripture says to trust and hope in God and he will renew our strength, so that we will mount up high, like on the wings of eagles. We will run and not be weary, we will walk and not be faint. I like the sound of that… Don’t you?

The Will of God (Part 1 of 2)

Date of original writing: Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Friday past, my mother and I visited the Benny Hinn service that was held at the Office Depot Center in Ft. Lauderdale. From the time we got there, which was about 3 ½ hours before the service actually started, there were hundreds and hundreds of people just standing outside the doors singing and waiting for that magic moment when the doors would swing open for admission. The sun was beaming down, very strong might I add, but the skies began to grow darker and darker by the minute. Sporadically the sun would poke its head out and offer some comfort that we would enter the Office Depot Center drenched from sweat, not from rain.

It was my second time visiting a huge sporting area, but only my first in actually sitting inside for a service of some sort. The first time I went was to a basketball stadium, and it was only as a tour. This time however, seemed very, very different.

The setting was just like I saw on TV, at any sporting event. However, instead of the crowd shouting for their favorite team, they were all shouting and doing the wave to Je-sus. I laughed to myself on a few occasions, but quickly realized that what was going on was a form of praise to God.

People began crying out to God even while the praise team was practicing their songs. People all over the audience began singing and crying out to God, praising and worshiping Him. It was truly awesome.

Then, the service started at 7pm, it was truly an uplifting praise and worship. I could have left after the praise and worship segment and would have thought I was filled with more than enough of God. It was that good! The dancers in fact, were so good, that Benny asked them if they had anything more! They quickly regrouped, and in minutes delivered a performance that spoke just as boldly as their first; Proclaiming the Lamb of God.

When Benny got into His message, I knew it was going to be something that would cause a great change in my life. Guess what? I was right. Benny told us a personal story. A story about him when he was younger, around 19 or 20, and how he had many girlfriends but there was only one that he fell in love with. This girl’s name was Michelle.

In his story he noted how they truly loved each other, they had a pure relationship, they prayed together, and they both loved God. Benny said one night he was in the car with his girlfriend, and God began speaking to him, saying “Benny, will you give up everything to follow my will for your life?” Benny said, “Of course God, I will follow you. I will give up all that you want.” In essence, God said, “What about your job” or, “what about what you want to do in life,” and Benny said he would do whatever God wanted. But, when God asked Benny to give up his girlfriend, Benny, the devout follower of God, said, “No way!” Benny said He couldn’t understand why God would want Him to give up such a good catch. Such a lovely, pure, and praying girl. Benny thought God would never ask such a thing.

Benny was like Peter, Jesus’s disciple. In fact, we are all like Peter. Peter told Jesus, “I will follow you even to the grave. I will do your will, I will do as you command.” One time, they were out on the lake and a storm brewed up, and Jesus told Peter to come to him, and Peter actually walked on water for a short time, because he believed in Jesus. Even though he sank, He still managed to walk on water for a moment. But when Jesus told Peter that He (meaning Jesus) would have to go to the cross to die (die to self) (Jesus was dying for the sins of the world), Peter rebuked Him and said, “No!” (Even though Peter told Jesus that he would follow Him even unto death.)

Kingdom Attitude in the Storm (Part 5 of 5)

Date of original writing: Monday June 27, 2005

See originally, our spirit was connected to God in the beginning of the Bible. But Adam and Eve sinned, so we lost that connection, which in essence created the void. Therefore, anything material or of the this world cannot fill that void. Only the reconnection to God can. How do we get this reconnection? Through the God’s Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the ONLY means of filling that void. This is why some poor people (poor being from the world’s point of view) can live a life of peace and joy. Many don’t understand how they can live with the little they have. But their lives are so ‘Christ centered’ they don’t pay attention to what the world says about them, and God really does supply all their needs. This doesn’t mean we can’t be wealthy and have the Holy Spirit, because God is no respecter of person. Meaning He gives to the rich and He gives to the poor alike. He uses who He chooses to use in the way He chooses to do so.

The body of Christ (meaning Christian people that make up the body of Christ) is like the human body. It is made up of parts all with an individual purpose to fulfill. The heart can’t say to the lung, “I don’t need you,” because it can’t do the lung’s job. And the lung can’t say to the heart, “I don’t need you,” because it can’t do the heart’s job. The hand can’t say to the eye, “I don’t need you,” because it can’t do the eye’s job. And the eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you,” because it can’t do the hand’s job. They all have their purpose. In the body of Christ, there are all these parts. People who God chooses to do his work in the home, or on a community level, in the city, in a country, and in the world. In the eyes of God, we are all children of God. It is only our little minds that sometimes just look at who is in the spotlight. This makes God angry, because He is saying to us, “This is not what I made you to be.” Envious! And Jealous!

There is a song that says “I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it, but it’s all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus”. Every time I hear the lyrics to this song, it makes me reflect on my life, and all the things I make relevant over the things that God said are relevant. I believe this is why the Bible speaks about the continuous renewing of our minds. Because so often we make the things of this world a priority over what God intends to be priority.

We must continually repent of our sins, and regain fellowship with God through His Word, and through prayer. We need the Word of God (the Bible) to build our faith. The Bible says, “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” If we want breakthroughs in our lives, we need prayer. For Paul went through 3 days of prayer, fasting and supplication when he lost His sight. He sought the Lord for 3 days straight. He received his breakthrough because Ananias heard a word from God, and God identified whom Ananias would go to heal. God told Ananias, “Behold, he prayeth.” This proves that God does work through prayer.

We must just be steadfast in our belief in God. We must not only have faith in God, but also the faith of God. After all, Genesis tells us that we were made in the image and likeness of God, so we need to adopt the mind of Christ and think the way He thinks and act the way He acts.

Kingdom Attitude in the Storm (Part 4 of 5)

Date of original writing: Monday June 27, 2005

However, as simple as it sounds, faith has been ‘thrown out the window’ in today’s world. Let’s bring it closer to home. Faith has been thrown out the window in so many of our individual lives. We have been “programmed” to abandon faith even in the simple matters of life. That is why our faith never grows. How can I make such a bold statement? Well, for a lot of us, (not all of us) there is the ‘knock on wood’ theory. When we make a positive affirmation like, “I have never been to jail and I don’t plan to go”, or “I never got a speeding ticket and I won’t ever get one”, instead of holding firm to what we say and making it our belief, we cancel the statement with the action of ‘knocking of wood’ (or metal or plastic or what ever is close enough for you to hit on). It’s like we built up only enough courage and confidence to go half way. Why can’t we simply say “I don’t ever want to get a speeding ticket so I won’t get one!” Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can, you’re right, and if you think you can’t, guess what? You’re still right. God not only wants us to have faith in Him, but to walk in it as if what we believe in is so.

The mind is really the battlefield. It is where so many battles were won, but also many were lost. The mind is the battlefield because it has a pivotal role in our decision making process. Whatever we dwell on or think about becomes our beliefs. Eventually it determines our attitude, then our behavior then our destiny. If we allow Satan, from the get-go to influence our minds and to get his way in making us hate people, or harness pain in our bodies and cause us to enter the state of depression, then the ‘battle is lost’. Instead, we must put our faith in God, we must walk in faith that we have the victory already. We must be steadfast in prayer, we must come against all the strong holds of the enemy, all the evil that he has intended for our lives.

The Bible says, “Satan has come to kill, steal and destroy.” He is deceptive in making us think we are getting ahead in life by satisfying our own fleshly desires. Which in itself might get us to a place of worldly wealth. However, the price is not cheap and definitely not worth it. Many people are wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. There is nothing material that they cant buy. Then why do so many of them commit suicide? Why do so many of them die of depression? Why are they so caught up in who could be stealing from them that they give themselves a stroke and die? Within all those people there were voids. Voids that could not be filled by what money could afford them. Or fame, or recognition. We were made that way-with a void that could not be filled by worldly material.

Kingdom Attitude in the Storm (Part 3 of 5)

Date of original writing: Monday June 27, 2005

Buju Banton said “Circumstances make me who I am.” I wish to build upon that statement and say that the way we deal with circumstances make us who we are. See, if we were in a relationship with someone, and for whatever reasons it came to and end, we could choose to allow the ‘down time’ or depression or anger or pain suppress us down to absolutely nothing. It will engulf our souls so much, that we won’t even remember the origin of our pain. We will forget how it feels to feel good. We may end up on medication for depression or anxiety among other things, thus leading us into a downward spiral through life, ultimately to death. Not saying that depression will cause your death, but depression can present to us the question “Why am I living.”

The situation or action taken: Was that you and your partner broke up.
The circumstances were: The reasons you broke up, whether infidelity, lack of trust etc.
The result: Based on the circumstances, you allowed your life to have the outcome of a downward spiral of depression to death. This is letting your circumstances control you.
On the other hand, based on the same situation and circumstances, you can decide to say “I will give this burden to God, because that’s what he said to do. He said “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you for it is easy and my burden is light.”

In essence, what God is saying is to bring all of our troubles to Him. All that we think is burdensome. And He will take care of it. He will give us peace in the midst of the storm. He will give us joy that is unspeakable. He will cause us to look at our circumstances and see them as merely a training simulation to strengthen us and our faith in God. See its all for our benefit, you know. The more trials we have, the more we will trust and have faith in God. The stronger our faith, the more we will receive and accomplish in our life time.

We shouldn’t stay fearful and afraid of our circumstances, for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind! Isaiah 40:31 says, “But they that hope in the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall soar with the wings of eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” This statement goes against everything the world believes. They would say, “Who can run and not be weary? Who can go through a devastating break up and not delve into depression? Who can once have a heart filled with hate, and now have a heart filled with love?” The world says it’s impossible, but Isaiah 40:31 says just the opposite. For when we trust and hope in God, he will renew our strength in Him. He will renew our mindset so that we CAN soar above the world on wings like eagles, so that we CAN run and not be weary, so that we CAN go through a devastating break up and not delve into depression, so that we CAN replace a heart filled with hate, to a heart filled with love, so that we CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS US!

This is the word of God, and He says that it will not return to us void. Instead it will fill us and manifest its meaning in our lives. See, when the world becomes afraid, people look to each other for help because that is where and how they built what they have. As a believer, at the first sign of fear, we go to God, who is the Author and Finisher of our faith. After all, He created everything, why not go directly to the “Source”? It only makes perfect sense.

Kingdom Attitude in the Storm (Part 2 of 5)

Date of original writing: Monday June 27, 2005

I really felt God’s presence. I know it was His presence because there was an overwhelming peace that was beyond my understanding. I was experiencing some discomfort and “down time” in my life based on circumstances. But all of a sudden, I had this peace in spite of my circumstances. I literally have joy that is unspeakable. All I could do was dance and shout. Bear in mind this is late in the pm, but out of nowhere I suddenly had all this energy. The joy of the Lord truly is my strength!

I watched that broadcast on a Thursday night, and immediately afterward, I received a call from someone and the presence of God slowly began to leave. I was becoming so upset on the phone and all that I had experienced prior to the call was but a memory. It wasn’t until late in the conversation that I realized this, so I brought the conversation to an end and asked God to forgive me for allowing Satan to step in and distract me from what was really important. I turned back on Miles Munroe’s broadcast and listened some more and guess what he spoke about? Being careful to not let Satan distract us after we have heard a message from God. I automatically felt the conviction and began praying again.

It’s a serious thing, because Satan doesn’t want us to feel the joy that God gives us. Finding out who we are in the Kingdom of God is Satan’s #1 fear! This is why he constantly tries to deceive us with things we are receptive to, things he knows he can get our attention with, as long as he can get his foot in the door, he knows he has a better chance of causing our circumstances to bring us down and take over our mind to keep us from discovering the will of God for our lives.

For too long I let my circumstances determine the way I felt and the way I lived. If I was sad about something, I did almost everything for the rest of the day feeling that way. If I was happy about something, then I did things for the rest of the day happily. But I realized, I can’t live my life based on ‘happenings’-things that happen to me. Instead, I must find joy through the presence of the God. It is then, and only then that I can take control of my circumstances and be joyous everyday of my life.

Now I did not say circumstances won’t ever come up, and I certainly didn’t say that I won’t ever get upset or sad again in life. But what’s important is that I continuously seek the presence of God, so that I can retain that peace and joy in spite of what’s going on around me. This is how I control my circumstances. I don’t let them determine my attitude. My attitude determines how I deal with them. And the attitude of my heart, which is guided by the Holy Spirit says that God will never leave nor forsake me, and that He has allowed me these trials as a training simulation to prepare me for what He has willed for me to do.

Kingdom Attitude in the Storm (Part 1 of 5)

Date of original writing: Monday, June 27, 2005

God, You are good and your mercy endures forever! How can I say thanks for the things you have done for me. Things, so undeserved, yet You did it, to prove Your love for me. The voices of a million angels, can not express my gratitude. All that I am, and ever hope to be, I owe it all to You.

As I sit here, I ponder… “Is there anything, anything too hard for God?” After thinking about it for a second, I felt in my spirit, a plastering “NO”. God is truly wonderful. I think this must be the slowest typing I have ever done. I feel the sensation, the vigor, and enthusiasm, but I can’t seem to harness it well into the mold of written sentences. It’s really hard for me to sit here, still, and quiet at my desk. I just want to jump up and shout, “YES LORD!” That’s why I went into the restroom and thanked God in there. The Bible says “He that dwells in the secret place of the Most High, shall abide in the presence of the Almighty.”

I thank God for faith. No, I thank God for faith with works. The more I try to think about how pieces of my life in Christ fit together, I become overwhelmed with the intrinsic detail of how seamlessly it works out. I start to think about the decisions I made a long time ago, and I see the fruit manifesting itself today. From that fruit, new seeds are then planted into God’s soil of fertility and prosperity, and later on, my faith in God tells me it will (with no doubt in my heart) manifest itself again to fruition. God is so good.

On the weekend past, I watched a Miles Munroe broadcast over the Internet. He spoke about “Kingdom Living” and I really enjoyed the message from God through him. He spoke about the mind of Christ, and the renewing of the mind, and how through God, we control our circumstances, because God originally designed us in His image, to have dominion and mastery and control over the earth, and our circumstances. But what really lifted my spirit, was toward the end of the message when he started to prophesy about ‘breakthrough’ coming in the upcoming week. Breakthroughs based on my faith in God, and my ability to ‘walk’ as though it has happened already. I believed. Boy, did I believe.

Governing Circumstances: The Way of the Kingdom (Part 4 of 4)

Date of original writing: Friday June 24, 2005

In conclusion, I just want to let you know, that God’s original plan was for us to have dominion over the earth, over our circumstances, over the situations that arise. Jesus died as the ultimate blood sacrifice (because clean blood was the only way to atone for sin) and took back the keys of dominion over the earth from Satan, and has allowed us to be restored to our rightful, and original position, back before Genesis 3-(the fall of man).

As Ambassadors, we are here to represent and hold up a standard for God. We can fulfill our purposes only when we repent of our sins, renew our mindset to before Genesis 3, and receive the Holy Spirit in our lives to reconnect us with God who will give us the keys of dominion over the earth, and our circumstances. See, we don’t need to seek healing for our bodies, or money to pay rent or mortgages or other bills, we need to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL (meaning healing, finances, etc.) will be added to us. The Kingdom is what we should ultimately seek, and all else we desire will come to pass. See, if Christ is in our hearts, then the desires of our hearts, are really the desires of God. Don’t you think God knows what he has put in you? Don’t you think God will bring it to pass in His time? Yes. He will. Just seek first His Kingdom. We need to seek to do His will, not ours. Abandon ourselves, abandon the wants of our flesh. God will provide. We do not put our trust in chariots or man, or money or our jobs, we trust only in God. Trust in His power, for He will empower us to control our situations.

Remember to not only have faith ‘in’ God, but to have the faith ‘of’ God. Remember, He is in us, and we in Him. He is the source, we are the ‘re-source’. We are a product of the Source, therefore we MUST function like the Source. We really have no idea the power we possess. My prayer is that we all accept the role of Ambassador, and represent God’s Kingdom, so that we can receive the “benefits” of such a prestigious position. Tap into the power of God- I guarantee life will regain its true purpose. We will control circumstances, because we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus!

Governing Circumstances: The Way of the Kingdom (Part 3 of 4)

Date of original writing: Friday June 24, 2005

In order for God’s Kingdom to be manifested through us, God must clean us out completely. He must release us of what is hindering us. What is harassing us. What is confusing us. I did not say it will definitely be the easiest thing to do. For me, it was allowing God to convict me of past sin, and finally confessing it to a person who has been asking the same question for 3 years. Each time I lied. I was released of that ‘dark cloud’ over my head, and I took control of my circumstances. I no longer allowed Satan to question my relationship with God, based on my dishonesty in that situation. I am more than a conqueror!

In another situation, I suddenly felt the ‘power’ to call a friend of mine and apologize for something I did against him. For months and months I have been trying to avoid the thought of direct apology. I sent emails and tried to get people to call for me, but no more. I had a breakthrough. I took control of my circumstances, and felt the boldness, the authority to call my friend, and apologize. Trust me, ( no, really, believe me) when I say before I understood the Kingdom of God, I could not fathom picking up the phone and calling directly! And then, all of a sudden, like a total change of heart, change of mindset, I felt as if it was not only the best solution, but the only solution!

God convicted me, and gave me the power to control my circumstances. See, not only did I believe that God would deliver me, but I finally took the step forward. I began to walk in what I believe when I picked up the phone and began dialing. Before I called I was trying to figure out what I was going to say like any normal person would, then I realized, ‘I’m not normal’ I said to God (in faith), “God, I am dialing this number now (acting on what I believe), You put the words in my mouth.” As I was dialing I did not know exactly what or how I was going to apologize, but I trusted in God enough to dial anyway. Just to let you know, I’m not 100% sure if he has forgiven me, but I know in my heart, I apologized, and it is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict him, when necessary. I did my part. I was released. I am re-commissioned to where I need to be to allow God’s Kingdom to come to earth through me.

Governing Circumstances: The Way of the Kingdom (Part 2 of 4)

Date of original writing: Friday June 24, 2005

We are “ambassadors” for the kingdom of God. What does an ambassador do while in another country that is not his homeland? He represents and holds up a standard of where he is from. In the Bahamas, where I am from, there is an American Ambassador, who lives there. He is ‘in’ the Bahamas, but he is not ‘from’ or ‘of’ the Bahamas. The economical state or well being of the Bahamas does not affect him. Are you hearing this? It is the same for us as Christians! We are Ambassadors for the Kingdom of Heaven. We just happened to be placed here on earth to represent where we are from, Heaven, and what it stands for. To proclaim the name of Jesus and to fulfill our purposes here on earth.

See, whatever happens to the earth does not apply to us, we are ambassadors for God, therefore the economical state of the country that we are in, or the issues that face our communities do not affect us-Why because we are Ambassadors for the Kingdom of Heaven. God wants us to allow the Holy Spirit to be our aid in making decisions. He wants Heaven to come to earth! How? Just look at how we say the Lord’s prayer: “Our Father (God), whom art in heaven, (where is God? Heaven) Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy kingdom come, (Heaven is the Kingdom of God, and we pray for it to come to earth, we pray for the Holy Spirit to direct our path so that we can re-gain our rightful position in God, like it was in the garden of Eden.) Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven, (Yes, there it is, ‘as it is in Heaven’)

If God is in us, and we allow Him to direct us, then we will do what He says, and we will fulfill our purposes in life. God put us here to dominate the earth, to rule it and govern it. To have power over our circumstances, to do what Jesus did. Jesus healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, fed the hungry, all because God was in Him, WHILE HE WAS HERE ON EARTH! Now Jesus has returned to heaven and is reunited with His father, God.

The same is with us, God is our Father, and He wants us to do what Jesus did. That’s why He sent His Son as the ultimate sacrifice, but also the ultimate role model, for us to look at and become like him. We must not only have faith, but faith with works. We must believe that our circumstances will change, but we must walk as if they have ALREADY changed! Ever heard the phrase, ‘Walk in faith?’ Now you know what it means. It means to act as if or behave as if what you believe in has already come to pass. And it shall be so. The Bible tells us that if we have faith as big as a mustard seed, we can move mountains. But the book of James also tells us that faith without works in meaningless or dead. One cannot be without the other, we cannot say we have faith but do not walk in it, and we cannot be called faithful just by the things we do. We must have both together.

Governing Circumstances: The Way of the Kingdom (Part 1 of 4)

Date of original writing: Friday, June 24, 2005

*Anywhere I use a word with “re” in the front of it, its meaning is to place us in the state of being as it was before the fall of man in Genesis 3.

We mature when problems arise. It is when circumstances arise, that we are more than conquerors. How then do we control our circumstances? We control them when we seek God’s kingdom. Genesis says that God made us in His image and likeness, to have dominion and rulership over the earth. God is in heaven. He is on earth only through us. God doesn’t wish to come down to earth Himself. That’s why He sent His Son Jesus down to earth, to redeem us, and return dominion of the earth to us. When Jesus died on the cross for our sins, He marched passed hades to Hell, kicked open Hell’s gates and took the keys of dominion away from Satan! Satan no longer has power over us, because Jesus took the keys away from him.

When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden in Genesis 3, Satan gained rulership of the earth. Man was disconnected from God. Jesus’ purpose for coming to earth was not merely to forgive us of our sins, but to take back dominion of the earth from Satan, and restore it to its rightful owners, Us! Now, Jesus made dominion available again for us. The only thing we have to do is “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all will be added unto you.” Avery, very powerful verse of scripture. Seek after God-and His kingdom. Well, what does that mean? See, earth, is a colony. A colony of a supreme and higher place. A place called Heaven.

The spirit within us is not from earth, but from God, and God is in Heaven. Our bodies are of this world. That’s it. Therefore we are really ‘citizens’ of heaven living on earth. Ephesians 2:19-20 says, “Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God; And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone. “

Self Discovery Part (3 of 3)

Date of original writing: Tuesday June 21, 2005

We see our “nature” as this ever-non-changeable constant. That is not the Truth. The Truth is, we can change our nature, our self concept, our self image to adopt the nature of God. Genesis 1:26 says, “And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.’ Verse 27 says, ”So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” See, we were originally made to have the nature and self image of God.

It is because we have all have been deceived to learn otherwise. Yes, I said deceived. I use that word because from the beginning of time, it has been Satan’s desire to kill, steal, and destroy our lives. He did it in the garden with Eve, and then she influenced Adam. So, early on we see this destructive pattern. For a long time I followed this pattern, being deceived by Satan in my personal life. Wanting what my flesh wanted. Wanting to please my own desires. Wanting what other people had.

When we are deceived with this attitude or mentality, we can’t but help to influence those around us with the same. It’s not intention-most of the time, but it happens in the ‘background’ of our lives. In our subconscious. It’s like the story of the frog in hot water. If you place a frog in a pot of boiling water, he will jump out because he realizes that he is in a situation that is detrimental to his survival. However, if you put a frog in a pot with water, and THEN turn on the fire underneath, he will not move. When the temperature changes, he still doesn’t move because he doesn’t recognize the temperature rising, thus, resulting in his death.

It’s the same concept with our lives. Many times we say, “Oh, if I see something negative about my friends then I will stop hanging with them” Or, “If I can identify where they are hurting my life, I will not be with them.” But the thing is, like the frog, by the time we realize were in boiling hot water, it’s usually too late. HOWEVER… THERE IS A SOLUTION! Our analogy of course, can translate to a good thing as well. If we surround ourselves with influential, God-like, positive people, then guess what, we won’t even realize when we become the same way! After all, it’s our process of nature! Remember? What we think, become our thoughts, etc... That’s how we adopt new ‘mindsets’.

So if we really think about it, from its inception, what we think, or rather, how we think, really determines our actions, and ultimately our destiny. We have the current mentality we have because of what we put into our minds. From what we see with our eyes, hear with our ears, taste with our tongue, smell with our nose, and touch with the senses in our body. That’s how thoughts come about! So for example, if we were to change what we look at, and change what we listen to, to a Godly influence, or that of Christ, we are starting the ‘nature’ or ‘self image’ process from the ground up, in a positive and effective way-the way God intended.

In conclusion, I just want to let you know that the mind of Christ is a beautiful thing to adopt. We must not get it confused with ‘being God’, for the Bible says that His thoughts are not our thoughts. This may seem somewhat contradictory at the surface level, but if we think about it, even though we were made in God’s image and likeness, we still won’t know everything! We still won’t know God’s every move. And we certainly won’t know the reason behind everything God does. That’s why He said our thoughts are not the same-because our little human minds cannot comprehend the extent of God’s greatness.

Self Discovery Part (2 of 3)

Date of original writing: Tuesday June 21, 2005

If we don’t recognize our own self image, we are really living someone else’s happiness. Honestly think about this. And it’s usually the males who have an issue with this, though many females, as well. Consider your attire. What you wear. If you think that you certainly HAVE to wear only popular ‘name brand’ clothing, with somebody else’s name on it, then you have an identity problem. It doesn’t matter if you are a Christian or not. Either way, you have an identity problem.

You should feel comfortable about who you are no matter what brand you are wearing. I didn’t say it is wrong to wear name brands, because like most things, in itself, it is not wrong. It’s our motives and reasons behind what we do that is questionable. The clothes don’t make the person, the person makes the clothes. Even the big clothing companies know this. Why do you think they try to get popular models, professional athletes, and stars from the entertainment world to ‘make’ their clothing line look like something you must have? The marketing execs seemed to have figured it out, however our perspectives must change.

Time in itself will not change us, so we have to change the thing that most of us think is unchangeable. Our ‘nature process.’ What do I mean? Well, we say it’s because of our nature that we have the habits we have, or think the way we do, and believe what we believe. Well, anything you practice well enough, will become like nature.

Think about it for a second. What we think, become our thoughts. (The things we entertain in our minds. The things we think about most. The things we dwell on. The things we worry about.) Our thoughts then become beliefs. (The things we begin to accept as truth.) Then we judge those beliefs and try to justify them. (So in other words, our beliefs become convictions.) Our convictions determine our attitude, which is primarily the way we respond to our environment, or the reason behind most of our decisions. Our attitude projects into our behavior which determines our actions. This then controls our destiny. This is the process of our nature-in about 7 lines.

Self Discovery Part (1 of 3)

Date of original writing: Tuesday June 21, 2005

I want to tell you about one of the greatest discoveries and accomplishments in this world. You may ask yourself...Even greater than wealth, or my job? Yes. The answer is yes. Far beyond ANY material gain, or social status lies one of our greatest needs. What is this need? Why, the discovery of self, of course. Sounds simple, right? To some, it’s the most difficult thing in the world to do. There is a reason for that. The reason is because most people are afraid of being themselves. Most people don’t want to discover who they are, because they are worried about what people will say about them. Even though we don’t think this directly, in our subconscious minds-our hearts, we know that we do not want to stand out and look awkward to our friends and those around us.

Well, who is to blame for this standard of thinking? We are of course, but not entirely. It’s every where! Motion pictures depict you as a “loner” or “un cool” or “strange” when you aren’t apart of the ‘in crowd’. This is independent of age group, by the way; This applies to everyone. But let’s try to analyze what the ‘in crowd’ could really represent. It’s really nothing more than a collection of people, who are similar in their way of thinking on some level, and their money, power or beauty speaks for them. Popularity is their greatest asset; Their greatest achievement, but also their continuous pursuit. It’s mostly about who has what, or who did what or what someone is trying to do, and then your goal is to outdo them.

Yes, I know, I make it sound so “plastic”. You may be thinking to yourself, “That’s not the way I think! Just because I’m popular doesn’t mean I am a terrible person!” You’re absolutely right. You’re not a terrible person, but if your primary goal in life is to be defined and accepted by a particular group of people, you are just somewhat unsure about what is really important in life. Life should not be the pursuit of popularity. Instead, as I heard Dr. Miles Munroe say, “Life’s greatest pursuit is Truth.” That’s Truth with a capital “T”. Not the truth as a friend or family member sees it, but Truth from God.

Discovering our true selves automatically sets us apart. Automatically takes us out of the ‘mediocrity boat’. This is because when we discover our true selves, we realize that we all have separate purposes in life. God knew even before He put us all on earth, why we were born. Sounds strange, but it is very True. If we continue to remain mediocre, and not discover our True selves, we can’t discover God’s plan for our lives. You may say, “I’m happy the way I am.” Or “I’ve been this way all my life. It’s my nature.” All of which are true to some extent. But what is happiness? It comes from the word ‘happening.’ So happiness is based on events that ‘happen’ or takes place. We become glad by it. So then, what happens when something ‘happens’ that’s not necessarily a good thing? Then we become sad, or hurt, which is totally normal. But it’s what we do about it, or how fast we recover that is questionable.

The Refining Fire

Date of original writing: Sunday, June 12, 2005

Psalms 16:8-11 reads:
I have set the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices.
My body also will rest secure,
Because you will not abandon me to the grave,
Nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life,
You will fill me with joy in your presence,
With eternal pleasures at your right hand.

I feel like I’m down to my last draw right now. I told God to take it away, take it all away. Meaning the desires of my flesh. I don’t want it anymore, it hurts too much. The pain is too great to bear. I told God to just give me His will for my life. That is all I want, because I know that is the way He wants me to go. As long as I am walking in His way, I know I will be happy and secure. Because he will never leave nor forsake me. The only abandonment is on my part, I abandon myself before the Lord. I am no more. Quincy is merely my name. Jesus lives in me. Totally. I am a new creature. My flesh wants what it wants, and it got what it wanted. Now as a result, it is causing me pain as I sit here on my couch and write this.

It is not necessary to feel this pain. God did not intend for us to go through such torment of the heart. He gave us free will. We choose to go down the wrong paths. We choose to sow bad seed and reap tainted fruit. Therefore we inflict pain on our own lives. We ourselves add salt to our very own wounds. How? When we continue to act outside of God’s will, but even so when we do not desire to seek God’s will in the first place. Neither is better than the other, for they both have the same destiny.

Why then do we continue to live in a sinful nature, even after we have been disciplined by God? Do we not understand that God hates sin? He hated it so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross of Calvary, as the ultimate sacrifice. It is because of Jesus’ death that we are forgiven today. We have already been forgiven for yesterday’s sins, today’s sins and yes, even the sins of tomorrow. “How is this?” you may ask. Well, it’s basically because of Jesus dying on the cross as the ULTIMATE sacrifice. You see, that sacrifice was so great, that the blood He shed now covers us to eternity. That is why we can be forgiven when we sin.

The Bible says God’s grace is new everyday. Everyday God has grace for us when we mess up. Does this mean you are off the hook to go out and sin and live your life the way your flesh wants? No. No way! When you sin, you are forgiven already. God simply asks you to wash your self clean. How do you do this? Well, what washes us? The Word. The Word of God. The Bible. God says to read the Word so that you will have a relationship with Him, that you will understand His precepts and sin no more. If every time we sin, and we just ask forgiveness from God, then that will be the usual occurrence. But when we are sorry for our sin, and we read the Word, that washes our heart clean, and gives us insight into what God wants us to do in our lives from then on.

In this time that I have, God is emptying me. Refining me. Preparing me to do His work. To follow His will, to carry out His perfect plan for my life. I pray to God for strength, wisdom, knowledge and understanding as I go. I pray for His protection over my life, that any hindrances will be removed. I thank God that He will never leave nor forsake me. He will never abandon me. The only abandonment is on my part toward myself. I totally commit my life and the work of my hands to God. I am a vessel. Flow through me, God. Flow. Let Your anointing on my life shine so radiantly, that people will get joy when I walk pass them! I thank you, God, for hearing my plea. For knowing me better than I know myself. For ordering my steps in your word. God, save this world.

Breach of Contract

Date of original writing: Thursday, June 09, 2005

Just Sunday afternoon at the Henrietta Street Ministry 'under the bridge', I made a covenant with God that I will not allow my eyes to see things that will cause me to sin, or listen to things that will cause me to sin. Today, I broke this covenant. Wide open in fact, because I also broke it 2 days ago Tuesday. My heart aches. It aches because of what breaking my covenant led to. As I am writing this, my heart and mind are both broken. I feel alone in my sin. I asked forgiveness from God, I earnestly sought after it this evening as I was driving home. I feel God has forgiven me, but I am also aware that God disciplines those He loves. I know God will not put more on me than I can bear, and I thank Him for His continuous grace and mercy on my life.

Lately, I have been eyeing those Mercedes Benz Clks. You know, the 2-door convertible coupe? Usually, I’m more interested in the bigger 4 door sedans, but for some reason, this little 2-door Clk has been in my mind a lot lately. Occasionally, I even find myself thinking to ask God for this car. Though, as I was listening to Joyce Meyers earlier today, she said something that made a lot of sense. Something I knew already, but it must have slipped my mind. She said that God won’t give us certain things, until we are spiritually mature enough to handle it responsibly. At my age, dealing with the temptations that satan thwarts my way continually, do I really need a car like that to potentially cause me more problems in my spiritual life? Don’t get me wrong. The car in itself is not wrong to have. I’m just looking at my level of spiritual maturity. I don’t think that while I am sitting here writing, I am ready to have a car like that. If I had one, it would be easy for the enemy to attack me where I’m apparently weak. I will not be this way forever. In fact, I will not be this way much longer. No more, I told the Lord today. No more. I’m looking that sinful temptation square in the eye and saying NO. It starts here. It starts with Godly affirmations. I am with God, and God is in me.

I know sometimes I do things that God is not pleased with. If I feel hurt when someone hurts me, I can imagine how God feels, being all knowing, knowing if I will be praying the same forgiveness prayer once again, and again, and again. That’s how I feel right now. Like God is shaking His head at me saying “Quincy, Quincy Quincy…Why do you continue to hurt me?” All I can ever reply is…”God, I’m sorry…” Many times I remember asking forgiveness and it not registering in my heart. What I mean is that it was all verbal, and only from my mouth. My heart had no part in seeking forgiveness. My heart was not always with God. God however, I felt was always with me. I think because He always loved me, but I also think because of my praying family. God knows, it has a lot to do with my praying family. I thank my family for that.

But right now, I know, that I will go on from here, and live a life more pleasing to God. I do not like hurting Him. And I certainly do not want to see His wrath. I know that He loves me, and He will do whatever He sees necessary to keep me in His flock. Sometimes He’s easy on me, sometimes He’s not, one thing for sure, is that God is not fair. For if he was fair, I would have been dead and deserving of it. That is what fair is. To give mercy where it is due, and to spread wrath where necessary. I have received God’s grace and mercy many, many times in my life. More than I care to count. Each time I was not deserving.

But why did God grant me this grace? Because of His unconditional love for me. And Tuesday and today how do I repay him? By breaking his covenant. I’m sorry God. Forgive me. From today on, I will live Your word. I will continue to follow Your will for me life. And I will accept Your blessings in due season, as You see fit and as You see my spiritual maturity rising.

ZeroFiveOneNineZeroFive (Part 3 of 3)

Date of original writing: May 21, 2005

VICTORY!
Well, good news, my friends. I get to keep my job! There was some talk about my having to attend a new school for up to a year before I could obtain a new work permit, but it appears that my work permit can be renewed without having to do all that! The news came on the very day of Zero Five One Nine Zero Five while I was sitting at lunch with two co-workers, Connie Baker and Theresa Miller. It was a good day that day. Little, if any, doubt in my mind about my situation becoming better. Yesterday, one day after Zero Five One Nine Zero Five, I sat in my international student advisor’s office and worked out the paperwork for the renewal of my OPT work permit.

ZeroFiveOneNineZeroFive (Part 2 of 3)

Date of original writing: May 19, 2005

My life hasn’t been the same ever since. I spend more time with Him. I talk with Him more, I study the Bible more than just reading it. (Though I need to do it more and more.) I have noticed a peace and a calm in my life. Though Satan tries to upset me and cause a few waves in the ocean, I know that God Himself allows Satan to do what he does, and that God will not allow more on me than I can bear. And when the going gets tough, He makes a promise to us and says “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, for it is easy, and my burden is light.”

A promise from man may be comfort for a fool, but a promise from God is a comfort to the soul. Now, bear with me, I am human and I still fight the flesh daily. I messed up even after we broke up in a few situations. I hurt my friends and God. I was so sorry for what I had done, that I can’t even explain my remorse with words. But I know that what I sow, I will reap. God is a God of love, but He is also a God of wrath, and He disciplines those He loves. There is hope though, because God says that ‘His grace is sufficient for me.’ When I do wrong, He brings me back to the fold, and helps me dust myself off and says to me that He loves me no matter what. I have to earnestly seek forgiveness though, and ask God to show me where I went wrong, so that I do not make the same mistake twice.

I can honestly say, being on my own has helped me more than it has hurt me. What’s most important is my walk with God. Everything else is secondary-even my career. I chose to follow God and commit my life totally to Him. It was prophesied to me that I would have a full time job here and a scholarship to attend college. As I sit here today, in cubicle 801.C4, I tell you, that God’s promise is going to come to pass. I have trusted God for these promises, and others alike. God has given me what He has promised me previously, and I know He will do it again. God has given me dreams about obtaining my full time status, so I know that it will come to pass, even if today marks 2 days before doomsday. I cannot tell you how it will happen, because truthfully, I don’t know how God will work it out. What’s important, is that I know He will.

I remember a stranger, was telling me her ‘2 minute testimony’ as she called it. What stuck out in my memory, was when she said, “God has said to turn your fears into faith.” That is a very powerful statement. Simply stated, but profound in meaning. It means that anything I fear, like not being able to work, or not being able to pay my bills as a result of unemployment, or not being able to pay for college or anything that a normal human being would fear, God says to give that burden to him, and trust in Him. To have faith that He will not only deliver me out of the situation, but that He would deliver me and give me a testimony to share with others. For what good is it to experience the love of God and not share it with others? To encourage, to motivate, to comfort?

I have had confirmation time and time again that I would obtain a full time job. I understand that God’s timing isn’t my timing. He is never too early, never too late, simply always on time, in His time. The next 2 days can either make or break a person. No matter the end result, it will no doubt make me trust God more. Either way, I am trusting and thanking God for my full time job, because I already have it, and it will be brought forth in His time. My only prayer is that He keeps me in His will, that He stays near to me, and continues to be the light unto my path. That I, like David, will be considered a man after God’s own heart. Which, I know, He will do and allow me to be. Jesus is in me, and I am in Him, therefore how can I go wrong? I will remember Ginny Owens in her song when she says:

“So when the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love (for me) put You through And I will go through the valleyIf You want me to.”

When everyone seems to be against me, and I don’t seem to have a friend to talk to, even when I can’t seem to hear God answer me when I cry out to Him for help, I will remember all the suffering and torment and ridicule and beatings, and terrible treatment that His love for me caused Him to go through. All because He wanted to make it possible for me to see the kingdom of God and He wanted me to abide in Him (Christ), and He wanted to make it so that anytime I needed Him, I could call on Him and He would be there for me. I surely remember this, and I will continue to trust in Him and walk where He wants me to walk, even if it appears to be through a desolate land, or a fierce looking situation, or a dangerous situation, or a situation that appears to the world as having no hope. I will go if He tells me to, and if He wants me to.

ZeroFiveOneNineZeroFive (Part 1 of 3)

Date of original writing: May 19, 2005

Doomsday as far as my OPT Work Permit was concerned. From the issuance of my work permit, in the back of my mind, I guess I always dreaded Zero Five One Nine Zero Five. Well who wouldn’t. All my hopes and dreams appeared to be wrapped up in my ability to work here in the United States, doing what I went to college for. Though the clock was ticking, I knew God had a plan.

From 09/2004, (the issuance date) until today, 2 days before Zero Five One Nine Zero Five, I worked here at Palm Beach County Government Center, Information Systems Services as an Intern Web Designer. I love my job. From time to time I may not necessarily like all the tasks I must complete, but nonetheless, I have a passion for what I do.

About 2 months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up after being together about 3 years. That in itself was a rollercoaster ride. The break up process wasn’t much different either. Some days I felt good about myself and my decision, other days, it was as dismal as storm clouds choking the very sun in the sky. I thought it would be easy to just separate, and ‘get on with my life’, as I did in the past, but this time… this time it was very different. Not only did I find myself thinking about her, I started questioning my decision of separation.

Though all this was going on, my walk with God was slowly becoming more intimate than ever before. You see, it was because of God and our fellowship, and Him directing my path, and speaking to me through the Bible and people around me, that I was able to overcome the plights of satan and become victorious in my dilemmas. Though, at the time of this writing, my ex is not totally erased from my mind, I feel a sense of peace and serenity knowing that God has heard my cries, and He is concerned about my concerns. He feels for me, when I feel sad. As it appears to my ex, she feels that I broke her heart. It makes me feel sad knowing that I did this to her, and I am considerate of her feelings, really more so than mine. I think God has more or less shown me how He feels when I ‘break His heart’ by acting out of His will and doing my own thing. It’s really not a good feeling that I was experiencing lately, and I think God feels the same way when I do wrong.

You may ask what that story has to do with Zero Five One Nine Zero Five. Really, it has more to do with my life up until that date. See, when we broke up, my life took a shift. While I was in the relationship with her, God was not being glorified as He should have been. Even though I said He was #1, He really wasn’t. All my own hopes and dreams and aspirations were in first place. Over and over I felt a check in my spirit that I needed to not only spend more time with God, but I needed to fully commit myself to Him and His will and walk with Him.

As it stood, it was next to impossible to do this in my current relationship. “Why?” you ask. Well, because sin found its way in to my life very easily. I could stop it sometimes, but not all the time. And it was the times that I couldn’t stop it, that were pulling me away from God. There were many complications in doing God’s will and satisfying a girlfriend who doesn’t see God the way I do. Sometimes, progress starts with quitting. Quitting anything that deters me from the will of God. Yes, I love her, but I had to make a very conscious decision about what I was going to do with my life. Was I going to leave it all behind and follow God? Or was I going to continue in my current state and continue to pretend that God was #1 in my life? I guess the fact that I’m calling her my ex, points out the decision I made.

Pressures of Life (Part 3 of 3)

Date of original writing: Monday April 25th, 2005

I thank God for my mother. I called her tonight. In my sick and disconnected state, with the help of God, she managed to lift my spirits high enough to sit here and write this. It’s currently 10:37 pm, and if you told me earlier today that I would be up typing away at this keyboard, I would have told you that you’re out of your mind! I did not feel like doing anything today. I barley made it to class tonight. I told my mother that I sometimes feel disconnected from the people around me, mostly at work. Some days I go to work just focused on my job, just doing what I went there to do. Not really interacting with the people around me. Sometimes my co-workers ask me, “Quincy, are you O.K.?” I manage to say, “Yes”, but inside I just really want to get back to work.

I also told my mum a lot of what I wrote earlier in this letter. The feelings of worry, pressure about accomplishing my goals in life. About feeling overwhelmed and then looking at all that I still have yet to accomplish. I don’t think I mentioned to her the pressures of fulfilling my purpose in life and accomplishing my vision, but that can be a lot of pressure, too.

Even while trying to work on this CMS (content management system) for a website, I feel that God has allowed me to come upon this technology for a reason, mainly because of the way I was introduced to it. Nothing happens by chance. It’s just that it can be so overwhelming when resources seem so unlimited, but your time and attention span is so limited! The Internet gives access to such a vast amount of information, but we sometimes just want one centralized location to look and find all that we need, you know, like when we go to God for everything. Nonetheless, I will continue to pursue learning this new technology, because this is something I need to do.

My mum told me to focus my eyes on Jesus, Him being the Author and Finisher of our life. He knows all, He sees all, and He hears all. Anytime I have an issue, take it to God. Feeling down and out, take it to God. Feeling separated from the world, talk to God. He is there for us to talk to and pray to. I thank God for allowing my mum to pray with me. I really appreciated it, probably more than she would ever know. Like I said, she motivated me to sit here and write this, without even telling me to sit here and write! She doesn’t even know that I write. I never told her. Maybe its time that I do… After all, she is here to support me and help me through my difficult times. Not only to bask in my glory when life throws me a pitch in slow motion and I hit a home run.

Well, I think that’s it for tonight. About to go to bed, and enjoy that sweet sleep my mother prayed about. As I sit here and write, I really can’t remember all that she prayed for, but I accepted it all while she was praying. But one thing she made very clear is that God is always there for me. He will never leave me or forsake me. Anytime I need Him, I can just call on Him. I thank God for His Word. I thank God for my family that prays for me constantly, but Lord, I thank you for my Mother. I think I’ll name a scholarship award after her. “The Jenny Green Scholarship Award. Because she motivated me to follow God’s call for my life. To set myself apart from the crowd. To dare to be different. To not worry about the trials and tribulations in life because they will be there until I die, but to just focus my eyes on Jesus, and He will take me through the storm. I love you, Mom.

Pressures of Life (Part 2 of 3)

Date of original writing: Monday April 25th, 2005

Yesterday, Sunday, at the Henrietta Street Ministry 'under the bridge', Rufus allowed God to speak a Good Word through him. Rufus said that God wants us to make a decision. Either we are with Him 100 percent, or we are without Him 100%. It makes God sick and He vomits out lukewarm people. People who try to play both sides of the fence. People who are holy on Sunday but not so holy throughout the rest of the week. People who wants the blessings of God, but are not willing to sacrifice and discard their negative music, or their drunkenness, or their lusting after the flesh, or their idolism for material things in this world. Vanity. Lukewarm people are people who may want to follow God, but are not willing to leave behind the baggage that is not needed for the trip.

Tell me, if you are going on a camping trip in the middle of the woods, why would you bring with you a 20 inch television? Yes, you may be used to watching TV on a regular basis, but is it suited for a camping trip? For one, it will be too heavy for you to travel through the woods with. It will serve no purpose where you are going, and your survival is not dependent on it in any way. Besides, if you are chased by a predator, you will be slowed down and possibly harmed because you are carrying such a huge and unnecessary load. So then why can’t we understand that when we decide to follow God, we can’t take along the drinking habits, or the sexual immorality, the deceitful tongue, or the jealousy and envy of something or someone. None of those things will help us in our plights of becoming more like God. In fact, they will only do the opposite and demoralize us and turn us out of God’s sight. When the enemy attacks, none of those negative things will help you to fight him off. All they do is provide an open door for him to attack you.

Now, don’t get me wrong God doesn’t say, “fix these problems before you come to me.” He said to come as you are, all he asks is that you love Him with all your heart, soul and mind, and to love your neighbors as you love yourself. If you are willing to give it to Him, God will carry your load for you. He will rid your life of all the unnecessary baggage you may have with you. But he won’t do it unless you come, unless you fully trust Him.

Pressures of Life (Part 1 of 3)

Date of original writing: Monday April 25th, 2005

From early this morning, something was present. It was a familiar feeling. Something that cloaked me, surrounded me, and engulfed me, like chaos all around. My mind was troubled. The mind is the battlefield. It is where the greatest battles are fought, and the lives of many are changed. Of course, this is the great battle between good and evil, but then, there is that oh so classic bout between what’s good, and what’s better; better for your spiritual life, better for your soul, better to help others instead of putting yourself first.

I find myself dwelling on things that I need not dwell on. No matter what it is, God says to ‘Keep our eyes on Him’, not some of the time, but ALL of the time. Yes, that may seem impossible with the many pressures of life, but I tell you the truth, God’s Word says to seek Him first and His kingdom and His righteousness, and all other things will be added to us. That means that if we keep our eyes focused on Him all the time, He will work out everything else in our lives. He will give us our hearts desire.

Right now I feel somewhat overwhelmed. I feel like there is a lot on my plate right now, and every time I take a bite of something on the plate, it is replaced by something else to eat! Sometimes I feel as though I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Not as if I am trying to solve the world’s problems, but more that my purpose in life has to do with impacting the world. Finding, pursuing, and fulfilling my purpose and vision in life sometimes seems like a burden.

Right now as I write, I feel as though parts of my “perfectly imperfect” world is crumbling. Finding myself somewhat worrying about paying for school, continuing to work and pay bills, acquiring a house instead of paying for rent, relationship issues…my health and well being, being separated from the crowd, not partaking in the things of the world, that seem so fun, so right, so 21… I feel a burden in separating myself. But I know within myself, that I am separated for a reason, far beyond any proposed cosmic combustion in space, far beyond anyone dictating to me that I should take the safe route and remain mediocre, and far beyond Satan himself trying to deceive me. I will overcome. I will be successful in my endeavors. I HAVE discovered my purpose in life. I HAVE discovered my vision in life. I believe in God to direct my steps. I Love God. I will keep my eyes focused on Him and not the circumstances that surround me. I will not judge God by those circumstances either.

I will pray and talk to God, as if He is right here in the same room as I am. Whether I think I feel His presence or not, I KNOW HE IS THERE. He has always been there, and He always will be there. Before my mother’s birth, and even beyond her mother’s birth, God had a plan for my life. The choice is whether or not I accept His call for my life.